I want this workshop to be somewhat different from other workshops -- I'm going to break this down into two categories:  technical elements and personal advice.

And I hate to say this, but the following information in this workshop only works if applied.  Osmosis and good intentions do not work.  Sorry.

PRE-EMPTIVE TLDR NUTSHELL

To write effective dialogue, there has to be a basic understanding of what communication is.  Wikipedia sums it up nicely:  the meaningful exchange of information between two or more people.  It's easy but not at the same time.

Links to the websites I used will follow.

Some of the worst advice I've seen and that I'm sure I've been guilty of giving in the past is this:

Eavesdrop on people to get an idea of what they sound like when they talk to each other.

Never do this.  Why?  For one, it's fucking rude.  But two, and this is the technical reason:  you're missing the context.

Context is everything.  Context is all.  When you see two people at Starbucks having a conversation, you don't know who they are to each other.  Think about it.  You don't know if the two people are friends or enemies or frenemies or co-workers or whatever so when you hear them talking, all you're hearing are words.  And without knowing the relationship between the two people, their words are worthless.  And no, you can't tell by the way they interact with each other.  Nobody could be that clever, Sherlock.  None of us are.  I know I'm not.  It's okay.

And don't stare at two people talking to each other next time you're in Panera trying to figure out what their relationship is while you dip on their conversation during lunch.  No one needs that.  Don't make it weird.

Bear with me and excuse the generalities I'm going to make, but I'm sure you will have a basic understanding of the following: 

You do not talk to your parents like you'd talk to your friends.  My dad used to tell me ALL THE TIME when I was growing up to not talk to him or my mom like they were my friends or he'd whip my ass.  You do not talk to your teacher like you'd talk to a stranger.  That doesn't even make sense.  You do not talk to your boss like you'd talk to your co-workers.  You can get away with making dick jokes with your co-workers, for the most part, but not with your boss.  Disagree to be arbitrary all you want, idc.  However, if you think about it, it's true.

Try this:  a little self-awareness exercise.  Watch how you change when you are around different kinds of people while talking to them.  Then watch how you change when you listen to them.  Are you listening honestly or are you waiting for your turn to talk?  Do you listen at all to a person you find yourself needing to tolerate (as opposed to actually liking)?  Do you step on the things they say?  Do they step on yours?  How does that make you feel?  Does it make you more aggressive or do you pull back?  Do you fidget when they talk to you or the other way around?  No matter how real you think you keep it, you change when you talk to different people.  Tone changes, attitude changes, body language changes.  It's how it is.  We're not robots.  We're people, as much we hate to admit, and there's nothing we can do about it.

You have taken one small step toward more authentic interplay with your characters.  Knowing what you do after this exercise will help your writing immensely.  You can imagine things one step further than you were able to yesterday.

Know everything.  Including yourself.

So how the hell does any of this shit pertain to writing dialogue, you long-winded hag? 

Get your characters first.  Know your characters.  If you have two characters having a conversation, no matter the POV you choose, you have to know them both.  What they look like does not matter unless it is germane to the plot so get over that right now.  If you don't know how to make a character, refer to my previous workshop [link].

The most crucial things to know about your characters are: 

  the conflicts they have within themselves

  the conflicts they have between each other

  the motivations they both have

  the way those motivations relate to each character

This is not up for debate.  You must know all four things, even if both characters are strangers. 

This is what will give you your story.

[Super repetitive sidebar:  If you're even the tiniest bit serious about improving your writing, learn how to plan.  Notice how I said planning, not OUTLINING, which sounds like homework and homework sucks.  Planning does not hinder creativity, no matter what anyone says, and no, I don't give a fuck which multi-million bestselling author hero of yours says it. 

 YOU AREN'T THEM SO GIVE IT A REST. 

What planning does is help you craft a coherent story that is easier to write and more satisfying for your audience to read.  I'm not forcing you all to do things my way as if my way is the highway but if you don't plan your stories right now and are having trouble with your stories because of it, it's time to switch it up or you'll never move forward.  That said, there's nothing wrong with not being able to keep details in your head but there's everything wrong with your ego telling you that you suck if you have to "write everything down".  What i don't give a damn about is how fucking "good" you think you are now if you make it up as you go along and don't write things down to remind you about what's going on -- oh, you're so good doing that but you don't think you'll be better if you try harder?  Kiss my ass.  Kill your ego, improve your life in every conceivable way.]

Sorry, got a little personal there for a sec ahead of time. 

To continue, whether the characters are husband and wife or bus driver and passenger, serial killer and potential victim or pope and prostitute, know who they are.  Know what one wants, either from themselves or from the other.  Know it all.  Knowing how they relate to each other is everything.  It is context.  Think about how "I love you" sounds coming from a married couple on the rocks, going through the motions out of comfortable habit while one is having an affair or the high school couple falling in love for the first time, both wondering if what they're feeling is the real thing or not. 

STOP GUESSING AND START KNOWING.  MAKE IT EASIER ON YOURSELF.  IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A STRUGGLE TO BE GOOD.  STOP THINKING IT HAS TO BE. YOU'LL PRODUCE MORE GOOD WORK FASTER THAN YOU ARE NOW.  DOESN'T THAT COUNT FOR SOMETHING?

Everything changes once you know the relationship between the characters.  The dialogue will be cake once you have this down.  The authenticity won't ever be questioned.  You'll never have to post "how do I write dialogue that sounds real" ever again in life to the lit forum.  I should get lifetime membership for that.

To say for a final time, knowing the relationships, conflicts and motivations of your characters is everything.  This is not negotiable if you want to write something better than what you're doing now, which is what I assume has brought you here in the first place.  Thanks, by the way.

TECHNICAL HELP FROM THE ETHER

What helped me not only learn how to write dialogue but learn how characters relate to each other was something I only realized later on in life – how much television I watched growing up.  Not only how much but what it was.  I primarily watched sit-coms, but sometimes they also had a serious side.  The thing they had in common were the relationships between characters.

What shows?  MASH, Roseanne and Seinfeld.  No, I did not watch them with a notepad in front of me taking notes on what was going on and how it worked, I was in front of the tube, watching TV, like any good American.  There was one basic element to all three of them that made for good dialogue:  the relationships between characters, the conflicts and motivations.  Where have you just read that before a second ago...

With MASH, the soldiers were trying to stay alive during the Korean War.  With Roseanne, the family was trying to stay afloat in small-town America in the late 1980s.  With Seinfeld, the friends were basically trying to keep from being bored by life.  Everyone's trying to do something.  Do they succeed?  Not always.  Henry died.  The Conners were always one paycheck or one lost job away from the poor house.  Jerry, Kramer, Elaine and George had a contest to see who could hold out on themselves the longest.  Failure and fear.  Ennui and angst.  Death and disappointment.  You knew who each person was in each show and who they were to each other, even in Seinfeld, which had a new one-of-a-kind character with each episode.  Amazing work on that show, incredibly influential for me.

Stop eavesdropping on your fellow idiot human beings and start watching more award-winning television for a more authentic dialogue-writing education.

MOVING ON

From my research, the following elements stand out as for what dialogue should do:

  Apply characterization

Don't tell us that Mary is a wishy-washy mess, show us how she can't make the simplest decisions at dinner.  Don't tell us that John is the town bully, show us through the way he talks to not only strangers but to his friends.  Don't tell us that Nick has lost his zest for life, show us through plaintive, insecure whining at work.  This can be accomplished without sounding like an introduction to an AA meeting.  Have your characters use hints and nuance, jokes and sarcasm, the direct approach as well as dramatic games.  Do what it takes to show us who they are with the words they say.  A combination of show and tell will work.  You just have to know where the lock is.

  Keep it moving

I've said many times, if it doesn't move the plot along, it doesn't belong.  Is it 100% possible to always have every single word advance the plot?  No, because you run the risk of info dumps and exposition overload and that's never a good look.  However, it is your job to know the difference between faffing about for sake of (your ego) a high word count and boring your reader versus taking your reader on a journey via your characters and what they're saying and how they're saying it.

  Impart information

We have to know what is going on or what will potentially happen.  Don't tell us through general narration, let the characters tell us with their conversations.  Show us who they are while they are having the conversations.  It takes practice to know how to have the characters tell the readers what the readers need to know; you don't have to do it all.  I'd rather find out what's going on from them, not you.  Lots of people here think their characters are "real people" to begin with so if you're gonna do that, go hard with it.  You stay out of the way.

[link]

[link]

PERSONAL

Now this part is the twist.  It has to do with you all as writers.  I will do my best to be sensitive but I can't make any promises.

I am aware that there are conditions and afflictions that people have that they might see as a hindrance to being able to write effective dialogue:

  They're shy/introverted and have trouble talking to others so their characters all sound like variations of themselves.

  They don't understand social cues and the effect can result in flat characters. 

  They spend too much time on the internet and have forgotten what sincerity sounds like.

You know what?  This is how it is sometimes.  So be it.  Don't see these things as bad, wrong, or negative. 

Use them.  Channel them.  Own them.

This is where you take a thing and make it yours.  I'm not here to tell you that you have to be a certain type of person to write believable dialogue.  Once you know the technical aspects, my theories above and in other articles you run across, take who you are as a person and apply all this good stuff to your characters.  Example:  if you don't automatically know how to write a character that is strong-willed because you're not, then don't.  It won't come out right.  Do you think that if you've never baked bread before that it's gonna come out right the first time if you have zero idea what you're doing or how the ingredients interact, how to knead and what happens when the dough rests?  How long it should rest and what oven spring is?  You must read, research and practice.  Once you have a better idea of what it is to be strong-willed, either through reading or watching shows or in some other way and understand it, THEN will you be able to write a character who sounds like that and make them authentic.  I'm not so much a believer in "fake it until you make it" – if you're faking it, how will you know what is real?  How will you know when you "make it" if it's never real?

The above workshop isn't gospel.  It's a guide.  It's what worked for me 95% of the time I write a story.  Like I said, if you're stalled for an idea of what to do to get better at writing dialogue, try the above suggestions.  Be active in your improvement as a writer.  This is not a passive endeavor.  Where there's a will, there's a way.  If my way doesn't work, find one that does.  What matters are results.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it

Come up with two characters.  Select a POV (1^st person is an option).  Know the conflicts and motivations within each character.  Get all this ready and then go to my group,  #ScreamPrompts, on July 1^st for the prompt that will coincide with this workshop. 

If you are not a member of #ScreamPrompts and still want to participate, you are more than welcome.  However, only members of my group are allowed to have their stories be up for consideration to addition to the gallery.

Happy hunting.