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Literary Masterpieces by shunsuixnanaofan101

DLD DLR Suggestions by DrippingWords

stories worth revisiting - fiction by cristinewakesuphappy


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Submitted on
February 3, 2013
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2400+ words

For my January 2013 prompt screamprompts.deviantart.com/j…

I generally don't write in 1st person, if there's some tense switches, let me know; I caught what I could.
comments and critiques are welcome but not required -- i'll leave that up to you guys

9-28-13: thanks to everyone who collected/faved this today, i appreciate your support :heart:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-09-28
Communications 101 by `raspil is "simple, yet effective" (suggester's words). ( Suggested by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht and Featured by neurotype )
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013   Writer
neat!  thank you again for the support :hug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   General Artist
congratulations on both the DLD and DD on such a splendid piece, dear one. :heart:
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   Writer
thank you very much :-)
Reply
:iconmystic-cheetah:
Mystic-Cheetah Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
One of the most powerful pieces I've read in a long, long time.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you
Reply
:iconparallaxm:
Parallaxm Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013
There's something so... candid about this. I can't describe it any better, it's something unbelievably intangible, but you've caught it, zoomed in on it, and stared it in the eye. There's no fanfare or mawkish sentiment- but somehow the tension just keeps building despite the blatant lack of action (at least, up until Ingrid shows up in the picture). Great pace and powerful writing. Thank you for sharing this.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you for reading and enjoying it.
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013   Writer
Great to see your name in the footer!  Congrats on another well-earned DD.  :highfive:
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
word :hug:
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you :D
Reply
:iconpearwood:
pearwood Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Sometimes it all comes together.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
even when we don't think it will.
Reply
:iconpearwood:
pearwood Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Ain't that the truth.
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Student Writer
I rarely read prose pieces due to my impatience, but I read this all. Love it.

Though, I will say that I found the ending a bit rushed. I'd have preferred to have more closure with the story, IMO.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
fair enough
Reply
:iconimmortalrae:
immortalrae Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Professional General Artist

Lucky guy, he had a job... and it was with his degree...

 

but great story. I had to finish until the end.

Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thanks for stopping by :D
Reply
:iconimmortalrae:
immortalrae Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Professional General Artist
no problem i did enjoy the story ^^
Reply
:iconiamkathybrown:
iamkathybrown Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This sucked me right in and held me on the edge of my sheet! Well done!
I hope my degree won't be useful. I'm kinda nervous...
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you :D
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you, it was a good day!  i feel so bad it's taken me this long to get back to everyone... :blush:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Don't worry about it :happybounce:
Reply
:iconcandyman20:
CandyMan20 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013
Awesome stuff! I usually come here for the visual art but I saw your art somewhere on the page and I hovered my mouse over the thumbnail and I read what I could. It suddenly stopped scrolling but by the time it did, your story already had captivated me and I just had to read it until the end. Best short story I've read in a while. Awesome. Just awesome.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you very much :-)
Reply
:iconedithjade:
edithjade Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013
Maybe it's not quite proper to say this about a story with suicide in the background, but that was hilarious! Brian's cynicism and irony just killed me! I think he was the same kind of hero as Jim from "Lucky Jim" - a guy who could make any story brilliant with just his internal monologues. Congrats on the well-deserved DD^^
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thanks, i appreciate your comments :D
Reply
:iconthereallinebyline:
thereallinebyline Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I know this is going to sound stupid, and you've probably already gotten a bazillion comments or so thanks to the DD, but here it is anyway.

I come to dA for visual art. Drawings and paintings and stuff. It's rare that I'll check out a literature deviation. When I see them come up in the DDs or More Like This, I sometimes read the summary and just move on with my life; other times I ignore them completely.

But this piece just sucked me in right from the beginning. So I decided to give it a shot, and the more I read, the more I got drawn into it. The more I kept going, the more I cared about Brian and Ingrid and even the other callers. Yeah, even the refrigerator guy. So if you ever had any doubts about the effectiveness of that opening, don't worry. And whatever it is that got my attention, the rest of the story maintains it: I have the attention span of a... thing... what's for lunch, anyway?... and yet I was totally invested in this story until I finished it.

So thanks for the great story (and the reminder to start paying more attention to literature deviations).
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you very much for your time, i'm glad i was able to capture you for a moment :hug:
Reply
:iconthereallinebyline:
thereallinebyline Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Sure thing! I know "can't put it down" is a bit cliché, but it applies here. I'll definitely be checking out some of your other stuff.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013   Writer
i appreciate the support.
Reply
:iconcloistering:
cloistering Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
:iconclapplz::iconclapplz: Spellbinding
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
really?  thank you :boogie:
Reply
:iconwdnest:
wdnest Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Professional Writer
Excellent writing - one of the best stories I have read here - it was totally capitivating. Glad it had a good ending.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thanks, i appreciate  that :w00t:
Reply
:iconantimach:
AntiMach Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Superb balance of gripping moments with humor. Concisely written without being choppy as well, not to mention satisfying. Congratulations on the DD. Very uplifting read.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
thank you :D
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013

:worship: omgosh this piece is perfect for a Daily D feature - my congratulations, dear!

 

*whispers* ...and a prose piece at that! *more worshipping*

Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
lol thank you :blush:
Reply
:iconsnapperz:
Snapperz Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013   Writer
I've had this in my inbox for god knows how long because I'm a lazy SOB, but damn, I wish I had read it sooner. :worship: You're king.
'Grats on the DD! 
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
i'm just here doing what i do. 

thank you
Reply
:icontheunsquishedgoomba:
TheUnsquishedGoomba Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This piece has had the biggest impact on me out of all the others I have read.

And no, I'm not just saying that to bolster your ego.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013   Writer
my ego is dead.  deviantART killed it.

glad you liked the story.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013
Remarkable.

^ I have no words other than that.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013   Writer
Thank you
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
I usually don't read prose on DA but this one got my interest right away. Well done, wonderful story.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013   Writer
Thank you
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
No problem
Reply
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