“I really need your support today, Janet.” Trent said, braking for a red light.

“For what?”

“Well, we are going to my brother’s funeral.”  

He looked over at his girlfriend.  She was applying another unnecessary layer of lipstick.  “Uh-huh.”

“I would like it if you could be nice to my family.”

“I don’t understand why.  They don’t like me at all.” Janet said.  “Why should I bother?  How long do we have to be here, anyway?  I’ve got an appointment for a mani-pedi at three.”

Trent’s knuckles, straining on the steering wheel, started to hurt.  “We’ll be home before then.”

“Good.  I don’t want to be late for that.”  She finally put her lipstick away.

“All I’m asking is for you to just be there and... not say a whole lot.  Just be there.”

She clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth.  “What the hell is that supposed to mean, ‘don’t say a whole lot’?”

The light turned green.  “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.  Tell me.  Tell me why you don’t want me to talk to your family at your brother’s funeral.  I don’t understand.  Do you think I’m a bad person?  Are you ashamed of me?  What’s the problem, Trent?  What did I ever do to you?  Why do you do this to me?  Whenever we go out, you’re all ‘don’t talk, don’t speak, let me do the talking...’  Why?  Tell me!  I do everything I can to make sure you’re happy and this is the thanks I get.  It’s unfair.  It’s so unfair!” she rambled.  

They reached the funeral home and parked near the back.  Trent felt like holding her hand and was about to as they walked up to it but halfway there, her phone rang.  “Hello?”

“Jesus, can’t you turn that thing off for a second?”

Janet rolled her eyes.  “Hang on,” she said to the person on the other end.  “No, Trent.  I can’t turn it off.  Why should I?  You make me have to leave work early to go to this thing, I have no idea why... they depend on me over there.  Now I know you don’t understand a damn thing about what it means to be depended upon,” She made air quotes when she said that.   “But when the people at work need me, I have to make myself available to them.  If you don’t mind, I need to take this.  I’ll find you inside.”  

Trent shook his head and entered the funeral home.  He walked to the main hall and saw his parents and sister standing with the pastor.  The room had an icteric tint to it that, coupled with the maroon carpet and brown walls, was making him nauseous.  He went up to his family and they stood in a semi-circle, barely looking at each other, unable to speak, not wanting to say what they were thinking.  To talk about it would make it far too real.  Troy’s diagnosis of pancreatic cancer came out of nowhere and took him away before the treatment had a chance to work.  The five of them became four when the pastor was called away by one of his staff.

“How are you, Mom?” Trent asked.  His mother burst into tears and sat down on the closest chair.

“That is the stupidest question ever, Trent.” Emily said.  “How do you think she is?  How do you think any of us are?”

“I’m not here to fight, Em.  I’m here to celebrate Troy’s life.”

“He was twenty-two, Trent.  What kind of life did he have?  He didn’t get to live one yet!  This is fucked up!”

“Emily, that’s enough,” their father said.  “We know you’re upset but now is not the time to fight.”

Emily left the room.  Trent rolled his eyes and sat next to their mother.  He put his arm around her and hugged her.  She continued to cry.  Trent felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket.  He took it out and saw he had a text message from Janet.

WHERE ARE YOU

“Mom, Dad; I’ll be right back.”  Trent got up and walked to the front door.  He saw Janet standing outside, staring at the screen on her phone, thumbing the buttons.

“What, did you forget I was out here?  I need to take my car to get the oil changed at two.” She said.

“I thought you had to be at the salon at three.”

She seemed confused.  “When did I say that?  I never said that.  I said I wanted to get a manicure, I never said I was going.  I said I was getting my car done at three.”

“Alright, whatever.”

“Don’t ‘whatever’ me, Trent.  I know what I said.”

“Not today.  Don’t do this today.  My mom and sister are really upset right now and I need you to be cool.” He said.

“Don’t worry about me.”  Janet went inside and Trent followed her.  She saw his parents and made a beeline toward his mother.  “Oh, Patricia!  I’m so sorry!  Oh my God!”  Janet’s crocodile tears were thicker than usual.  “Troy was such a good man.  It’s so unfair!  I’m so sorry!”  They cried together, Janet sounding louder than the mother who had just lost her son to cancer.  Trent knew he couldn’t make any more of a scene than Janet was so he let her have her way.  If she didn’t get it, she took it.

Trent stood by and helplessly watched his girlfriend exploit the situation.  She had her arm around his mother and they looked engrossed in a conversation that Janet was pulling out of her behind for her own enjoyment and his mother was giving her tissues to wipe her eyes.  People were coming up and patting Janet on the back and giving her comfort instead of his mother.  His father walked toward a window facing the back of the room and looked out onto the back lawn.  Trent was at a loss and wanted to disappear.  He felt the best thing to do was pretend to console Janet, take her outside, away from eyes that would witness the truth and another fight.

“Come on, Janet.  Let’s go get some air.”

“I can’t.  I can’t move.”

Trent whispered in her ear to stop bullshitting and gently helped her stand.  He mustered up the stomach to give her a hug, to show that he was the loving boyfriend worried about her fragile state of mind.  Every time he hugged her, he felt like he was embracing a corpse.  Another church member took her place and allowed his mother to have an honest person’s shoulder to cry on.  Trent and Janet walked outside.  Her fake limpness was almost too much.  They went to their car.

“You need to stop.” He said.

She dug in her purse for her cigarettes, took one out and lit up.  “What are you talking about.”

“What was that show you were putting on in there?  You met my brother once six months ago.  You don’t know him.”

“Look.  Did you or did you not say you wanted my support?” she asked, her brow furrowed.  “You got what you asked for, buddy.  I’m playing the role of supportive girlfriend.  If you don’t like how I do it, you can go find someone else to play your games.”  She took a drag.  “I don’t want to be here anymore.  Let me take the car.  I need to drop something off at work.”

“How am I supposed to get home?”

“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.” Janet said.  “Give me the keys.”

“No.”

She made a vicious grab at the pocket of his suit jacket, almost ripping it off.  “Give me the goddamn car keys!”

“Fine, fine.  Jesus.  Take the fucking things.”

“I’ll see you at home.” She said, pecking him on the cheek.  She got in the car and drove away.  He walked back to the funeral home and envied his brother.

Trent went numb for most of the ceremony.  His mother was a crying mess, his sister seethed the entire time and his father never moved from the window.  There was no communication, just avoidance.  Troy was the one who had held them together and now he was gone.  They were now people who shared the same last name.  Trent wanted to ask Emily for a ride home but decided walking would be more reasonable.  He walked five miles back home.

The car he actually shared with Janet was in their driveway.  He knocked on the door but she never answered.  He called her cell phone but got her voice mail.  Trent sat on the porch until she rolled up, three hours later, a passenger in someone else’s car.  

“Where the hell have you been?” she asked, surprised by his presence.

“Where have I been?  Are you kidding?  I was at my brother’s funeral and you took the car.  Why are you just now getting home?”  She put the key in the door and they walked inside.  She followed him to the bedroom, bitching at him the whole time.

“I told you I had to drop by work.”  Trent sat on the edge of the bed.  He put his head in his hands.  “Don’t you listen to me anymore?”

“First you said you were going to get your nails done, then you needed to get the car worked on, then you said you were going to work.” He said, looking up at her.

“Yeah.  So?”  She stood there, her arms folded across her chest, her face indignant, ready for anything.

“Did you get the car done?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Goddamnit, you said you were going to get the car worked on.  Don’t you remember one thing you say to the next?  What the fuck, Janet?”

“Hey.  Don’t yell at me, pal; it’s not my fault you don’t listen like you should.”

“Answer me, Jan.  Did you take the car to be serviced.”

She looked at him like he was a moron.  “No.  Why the hell would I do that?  That’s not my job.  Besides, it’s your car.”

Trent sighed.  “You know, we have a problem here.”

“What’s that.”

“I just don’t know when to believe you.  About anything.”

Janet sat next to him and started rubbing his back.  “Believe me whenever you want.”  She kissed his neck; her lips were cold.  His stomach turned.

“Don’t do that.”  He brushed her away.

“Do what?”

“I’m not in the mood.”

Janet stood in front of him and started taking her clothes off.  Trent sighed and felt defeated.  “Are you in the mood now?”

“Not really.”

She started pulling at his clothes.  “You either fuck me right now or I will leave you forever.”

Trent weighed the options he was given.  It was the only thing she was good for; laying there and taking it.  He gave in one more time.

A few days later, Trent was feeling a little less depressed; he spent time with his sister and they laid their emotions out over lunch.  Emily’s anger was misplaced, Trent’s ennui was taking over.  Several margaritas helped them both find new ways of getting through their baby brother’s unexpected diagnosis and rapid decline and death.

When he got home, he checked the mail and sat on the couch while flipping through the bills.  His eyes glanced over to the desk and noticed Janet’s laptop attaché on the floor; that seemed odd, she was as umbilically attached to it, much like she was to her phone, and for her to be at work without it was very unusual.  He went over to check and found her lifeline inside, cold to the touch.  He called her cell and got the voice mail again.  He left a text and got no immediate response, which was unusual for the text fiend Janet was.  More minutes of calling and texting with no results passed before he decided to call her office directly.

“Collier, Gunn and Associates.” A female voice said.

“Is Janet Smith available?” Trent asked.

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Janet Smith.”

“Hold one moment, please.”  Trent shuffled the junk mail and the bills around waiting for the receptionist to return.  “Sir, she hasn’t worked here in almost three months.”

He wasn’t expecting that; he was expecting his girlfriend to ask what he wanted because she was busy and didn’t have time to talk.  “I beg your pardon?”

“The office manager told me she hasn’t worked here since November.”

“Alright.  Thank you.”  He hung up.

Trent looked at the clock.  Almost three.  He guessed Janet would be home at her regular time so she wouldn’t arouse suspicion, seeing as what he had just been told came out of nowhere; he wondered what she had been doing instead of working.  He dialed her phone again and got the voice mail one more time.  He texted

WHATS YOUR 20, 911-911-911

and got nothing in return.  Maybe changing the locks would give her a clue.  What he wanted was one for himself.  Sometimes he blamed himself for not kicking her out sooner; Janet was what his friends called a typical psycho bitch.  They didn’t understand why he put up with her nonsense.  There was only one reason a man would put up with her kind of woman and every time he was in the beginning, middle and climax of that reason, he hated himself more and more.  He was starting to feel like he was as sick as she was.

His cell rang.

“Hello?”

“Trent, it’s your mother.”

He felt bad for wishing it were Janet.  “Hi, Mom.”

“When did you want to come over for dinner?”

“When what?”

“Janet said at the funeral that she wanted all of us to get together for dinner.  I was thinking we could do something this weekend.”

That was the last thing he wanted.  “I’m not sure, Mom.  I have to check my schedule at work.”

“They’re not working you too hard at the restaurant, are they?”

“Mom, I had to switch shifts to get two days off to mourn Troy and I haven’t had any time to do that.  I really need some time alone.” Trent said.

“What you need is to be around your family.”

“I saw Emily this afternoon.  We had lunch, we had a good talk.”

“We need to all be together to get through this, Trent.  I can’t have you two spending time together and then I have to listen to your sister’s side and then your side... I need you to be together.”

“Sides?  Mom, what are you talking about?”

“She tells me what you talk about when you’re out.” His mother said.

“Mom, all we talked about was what happened with Troy and how to get over it.”

“Get over it?  Trent, that’s horrible!”  She started crying.

“Mom, that isn’t what I meant.  You know that.  Life goes on; we can’t mourn him forever.  I’ve got a job to go to, so does Dad, so does Em, so do you.  We can’t let what happened ruin the time we have left; how would that make Troy feel?”

“I don’t know, Trent, he isn’t here to tell me!”

There is no way I can get ahead with the women in my life, he thought.  “Alright, Mom.  I don’t want to fight right now.  What else did Janet talk to you about.”

“Janet said she really wanted to have us come together so we can heal.  I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“Mom, don’t worry about her.”

“But she’s such a sweet girl.  Your father and I really like her, Trent.  We think she’s a keeper.  She’s got a good job, she’s pretty... you’ve been with her such a long time, maybe it’s time to consider your future with her.” His mother said.  “She could be the One, you know.”

Trent couldn’t fathom being with Janet more than a few minutes after she stepped foot in the door after she got home from wherever the hell she’d been all day.  It was time to start gathering the strength to ingest her next excuse.  “I’ve considered it, Mom.  Believe me, I have.”

“You know, sometimes she calls me and we go have lunch together.  She tells me about all these plans that you two have been thinking about and it makes me so happy that she met you.”  There went that pang in his stomach again.  “She says you two stay up all night talking about a long engagement, a big wedding, honeymoon in Tahiti and a whole house full of kids.  It’s like she knows exactly what I want for you; it makes me so happy that you two are so serious.  I feel like I can finally relax and not worry about you anymore.”

He couldn't listen to her anymore.  “Mom, I’ve gotta run.”

“What, you can’t stay a minute longer?” she asked.

Trent didn’t want to start lying to his mom but the truth seemed even more unacceptable.  “It’s nothing.  I just need to go.  I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Alright, Trent.  I love you.”

“Okay, Mom.  Bye.”  He hung up the phone.  His chest felt tight.  Another fight was on the horizon, another fight where words would be twisted, feelings would be ignored and make-up sex would be filthy and regrettable.  

Attempt number three on Janet’s phone yielded the same result: irritation.  She arrived home at twenty after five, just like she always did.  He was on the couch, remote in hand, staring at CNN.

“Hey, how are you, sweetie?” she sang, smiling wide.  

“Where have you been all day?”

Janet put her purse on the couch and took her shoes off.  “What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes wide and innocent.  

“Well, you weren’t at work, so I’m curious to know what you did today.” Trent said, not looking at her.

“What do you mean I wasn’t at work?  Of course I was at work; where else would I be?”  There was no hint of defense in her voice.  Trent knew he had to get in there.

“Don’t you need your laptop at work?”

“Yeah, and I had it with me.”

“Since when did you get a second laptop?” he asked.

“What do you mean?  I only have the one and I had it with me all day.” Janet said.

“Then what’s that on the floor?”  He pointed to her attaché.

“It’s my attaché.”

“Your laptop is in there.  It was there when I got home this afternoon.” He said.

“So?”

“Where were you today?”

“I was at work,” she said, slowly, as if she was speaking to a child with a learning disability.

“Janet, where do you work?”  Trent was trying his hardest to keep it together.  She was making it close to impossible.

“Collier and Gunn.”

“Since when?”

“For the last three years, Trent, you know that.” Janet said.

“I called you at work today to tell you that you left your laptop.  They said you hadn’t worked there since November.”

“Well, someone’s lying to you.”  She said, very matter-of-factly.

“Yeah.  I know.  Do you know I called you at least three times this afternoon?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Check your phone log.” He said.

“I don’t need to check my phone log, Trent.  I know who called me today and who didn’t call.  You did not call.”

“I called and I texted you.”

“Don’t lie to me, Trent.  I didn’t get any text messages today.” She said.  He could hear frustration starting up in her throat.  

“Maybe your phone is fucked up.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my phone.  I think there’s something wrong with you.”

“And why are you telling my mom we’ve been talking about getting married?” Trent asked.

“I’m sorry?”  He caught her off guard.

“You heard me.”

“I never said any such thing to your mother.  I don’t talk to your mother.  And to be honest, I don’t even particularly like your mother.” Janet said.  Trent grabbed his keys and started toward the front door.  “Where are you going?  It’s Friday night.  Let’s go do something.”

“I need some air.” He said.

“Forget that.  Let’s go out.  I think both of us could use some fun.”

She took his hands in hers.  They were ice cold; he pulled away.  The last thing he wanted was for her to touch him.  “I don’t think so.  I want to be alone right now.”  He went for the door again.

“When will you be home?”  He walked out.

Trent drove to the other side of town to a bar he used to go to when he was still in school.  He parked and went inside.  It hadn’t changed very much over the last ten years.  He took a seat at the bar and ordered a shot of Jameson and a Newcastle and sulked.  He needed someone to talk to and felt like there was no one around who would listen.  Janet had his mother fooled, his father was going to be mourning Troy for the foreseeable future and Emily had enough problems of her own.  There had to be some temporary therapist out there who could lend an objective ear; the bartender was standing under the television mounted high on the wall, changing channels.

It couldn’t hurt, Trent thought; I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me.  Maybe he can help.

“Can I get another Jameson’s, please?” he asked.

The bartender nodded and set him up.  “Four-fifty.”  

Trent handed over six dollars.  He kept his mouth shut.  He was just too shy to spill his guts to a stranger.  He debated on whether or not to talk to him during his second Newcastle.

“Trent?  Is that you?”

Trent looked to see who was addressing him; Michael, a cook from the old days.  “Hey, Mike.  What’s going on?  It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.  Not since Mezzaluna.”

“Jesus.  That was at least five years ago.”

“Where are you working now?” Mike asked.

“I’m a manager at El Arroyo.” Trent said.

“Right on, right on.  What brings you out, dude?”

Trent took a sip of his beer.  “My girlfriend is killing me.” He said.

“I know that feeling.”  Mike sat down and ordered a Guinness.

“Not like this.”

“Why, what’s she doing?”

Trent sighed.  “She’s just another bitch in the world.” He said, downplaying his misery.

The bartender put Mike’s beer in front of him.  Mike passed over a credit card.  “Keep it open.” He said.

“I mean, I’ve dated my fair share of girls but this one, she’s not like the rest.  She’s way worse.  The only thing that makes me stay with her is the sex.”

“It’s that good?”

Trent shifted in his seat.  “I don’t think of it in terms of good or bad.”

Mike looked confused.  “What’s that mean?”

“I’ve actually seen her text message and read magazines while we’re having sex.”

“Damn, bro.  That sucks.”

“I mean, what kind of woman does that?”

“I dunno.”

“And the only way she lets me, and I mean that – lets me – have sex with her is through anal.” Trent said.  That made the bartender look over.  He quickly looked back at the television.

“Are you serious?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Good God.  So I guess that’s like what, once every blue moon?” Mike asked.

“More like three times a week.  Sometimes four.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“I’d probably stick with a girl who let me put it in her ass that often, no matter how big of a bitch she was.” Mike said, taking a sip of his beer.

“What I don’t understand is she absolutely refuses to have sex with me any other way.”

“So you’re saying no –“

“Nope.  No head, no pussy, nothing.  She lies to me all the time, she has my mother convinced that she’s the one for me... I don’t know what to do.  It’s weird; we can be under the covers in front of a fire and the bitch will put her feet on me and they’re like two popsicles.”

“Yeesh.”

“I feel fucking stupid talking about this but I can’t take it anymore.” Trent said, getting mad at himself.  “I feel like a fucking woman talking about this.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s embarrassing.  I mean, do dudes really talk about this shit?”

“They do when they have to.” Mike said, thoughtfully.  “How long have you been with her?”

“Almost a year.”

“You’ve been putting up with this crap for a year?  Why?” Mike asked.

“I’m just stupid enough to think it’s worth sticking around for.”

“You want another shot?”

“No, I’ve got to...”

“What.  Got to get home?  To some bitch?  Fuck that, Trent.”  

His phone rang.  The caller ID read “Janet”.  He didn’t answer it.  “I’ve got to go home.” He said, getting off his stool.

“Suit yourself, brother.  It’s your funeral.”

Trent let that one go; the last thing he needed to do was take that personally.  He gave a hint of a wave and left the bar.  He drove about six blocks and pulled over in an Albertson’s parking lot.  He looked through his contacts on his phone.  There she was.  A girl who wouldn’t yell at him, lie to him or turn on the tears at the sound of his voice.

“Hello?”

“Ashley?  Hi.  It’s Trent.”

“Trent?  Wow.  I haven’t heard from you in such a long time!  What’s it been, almost two years?”

Two years since he last knew what true love was.  Two years since his tongue had tasted someone else’s that didn’t feel like it had been locked in a meat cooler.  At that moment, he had forgotten what had happened.  “Yeah.  Something like that.  How’ve you been?” he asked.

“I’ve been alright.”  She paused for a second.  “Tee?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Have you been drinking?”

Two years hadn’t erased her memory at all.  Now he remembered why she broke up with him.  He felt embarrassed for calling her, drunk, mourning the loss of his brother and trapped by his own swinish greed for staying in a relationship that was as useless and stupid as the other party in it.

“A little.” He said, sheepishly.

“Are you alright?”

To hear someone actually care about his well-being was more than he could handle.  “Can I come over?”

“Trent.”

“Come on.  Just for a little while.  I could really use your company right now.  I need you.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Ashley said.  Trent was quiet.  He didn’t blame her for not wanting to see his pathetic, drunk ass.  He just wanted to be wanted by someone who was a decent human being.   

“Alright.  I’m sorry for bothering you.”

He hung up before she could say anything else and carefully drove home.  Janet wasn’t there.  He passed out on the couch.  A few hours later, he woke up and met the sunrise.  He didn’t feel hungover but strangely energized.  There was no telling how much time he had before Janet got home from wherever she was so he wasted no time putting the few belongings she did have out on the lawn.  Everything from her clothes to her bathroom supplies, a few plants and some books – it was a relationship fire sale, everything had to go.  Every trace.  He felt a great need to clean up his act; drunk-dialing old girlfriends, hoping against hope that they were as bad off as he was that they might actually want to see him was more pathetic than he could stand.  After everything of hers was gone, he made a trip to the hardware store for new locks and keys.  

This wasn’t just some attempt to get Janet’s attention to have her change her ways; she didn’t think anything was wrong with her.  She was like an addict who didn’t think she needed rehab but he was the one who had hit rock bottom.  He was tired of being dirty.  He hoped that, in the future, he would know what it was like to be clean and warm again.

Janet came home just after two that afternoon.  Trent was sitting on the couch again, his couch, watching Animal House on cable.  He heard her call his name and, soon after, curse his name and wonder very loudly why her stuff was outside.  She rapped on the window and yelled that she could see him.  He could hear her try to work her key in the lock to no avail.  He ignored every noise that was not inside his home.  After a while, it stopped.  She got the clue and it took a matter of minutes, which he on one hand found surprising yet wasn’t at the same time.  

He was finally able to breathe without pain in his chest.