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This story takes place in October 1962 in Mississippi on the eve before James Meredith entered Ole Miss. It is my first crack at historical fiction.

The ending is experimental. Tell me if it worked, if it didn't work, general idea about what you think. I'm open to changes. And remember, these are racist KKK fuckheads I'm writing about before you blow up my inbox for using the N word.

This is also for my Screamprompt #28: screamprompts.deviantart.com/j…

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LiliWrites's avatar
I have to agree with lamat about your character being more open minded than the rest of the family. I am getting that some of that comes from her enjoyment of the music, but how did she come to be influenced by that? Also, if she's so radically different in views from the rest of her family, I find it unrealistic that she'd just now be coming to the kind of conclusions about her mother being essentially used up. As the only daughter in the household, you can bet she'd have been subjected to multiple "lessons" about what it meant to be a woman, wife, mother, and daughter. Cults like the KKK are neurotic about making sure everyone inside them has a rigidly defined role, and sticks to it. Her indoctrination would have begun early, so her father wouldn't need to tell her to "ask your mother about that". I think exploring what outside influences reached her, and how she had to struggle through them vs. her family's values, will help you build a more believable character and settle on a stronger voice for her. 

I do like the fact that she's headstrong and foolhardy enough to "want to party" despite the consequences. That definitely felt more like a teenager, but the reasons for it were weak. It being her birthday was not a desperate enough reason for me to believe that she'd risk the very real physical punishment that she'd likely receive when she returned home. Women in the 60s in Mississippi in families that were members of the KKK were just a couple notches above blacks themselves (for the most part). She'd need some pretty fierce motivation to warrant risking that kind of pain. 

I also found the dad's rant at the beginning a little long-winded and cliche and one-sided. Yeah, most of his reasoning is actually what people thought back then (and some still do to this day), but it just didn't come across as he was actually angry so much as a mouthpiece for propoganda you may have heard in history class. He's angry, righteously so. A few slurs are not enough to make me see that anger. Get explicit about what he actually means to do at those "protests". In the safety of his own home, surrounded by his family who he believes thinks the same way he does, you can bet he'd get virtiolic, and I know for a fact that you are not the kind of writer to shy away from that. If you want this story to have some impact, explore that.

As for the ending - I like the mystery, but I think you can cut the last line. :P Sorry that I kind of ignored what you actually wanted to know about entirely. ^^;